I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
