you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
