ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
