Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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