it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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