she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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