Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
