I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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