im six kinds of drunk right now
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i think i scared a bird with my dick
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
