fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
