Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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