i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
