bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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