Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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