I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
