i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
