Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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