Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
