whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
