i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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