The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
