listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
and you fell through a lawn chair
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
