she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
