Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
