And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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