I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
