nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
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Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
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I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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