She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
