i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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