god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
