i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
