I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
