I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
