Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
