He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
