I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You are a genius and a whore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
