Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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