I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
