i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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