I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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