Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I think my moral compass just broke
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
