I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
