Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
