You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
