and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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