I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
