just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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