no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
zippers are such a cool invention
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
