note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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