Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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