Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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