if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
