We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
