What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
