I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
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We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
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I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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