i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
